The Compliments have Gone to my Head

Stop complimenting me so much

I don't know what to do about it

And it makes me imagine you've fallen for me

Even though you're probably like this with everyone

You've got that enthusiasm and confidence

That charm, that charisma-churizma?

Does everyone feel like this when they talk to you?

Or is it just me?

Its probably coz you're just that handsome

...No, it's the charisma

The good looks help but some people are plain dull

And there's no spark or energy: it's just awkward

Maybe WE just have chemistry

Lke two actors on a movie screen

Is this the beginning of a great friendship?

Or an ill fated romance?

Or have one too many praises gone to my head?

...It's probably the last one

I wasn't like this, you know?

Doubting and self deprecating

Am I good enough?

Am I likeable?

Does anyone want to be my friend?

I'm talking and joking and laughing

We're definitely vibing

But that self doubt emerges

Do they like being around me

Or are they just pretending, to be polite?

Am I good enough to be around all these

Shiny, perfect people

Who look like they've got their shit together?

They look confident and relaxed

Happy and glowing

I am too, or at least I put on a good show

But are they pretending?

Are we all pretending?

Are we all displaying our Sunday best atop our faded rags?

Do we impose smiles upon our scowls?

Do bright eyes hide tears, fears, leers?

What mysterious creatures lie in the depths of our murky waters?

How thorny are our pasts?

How miserable are our presents?

What will become of us in our future?

I wasn't like before...

So cynical and dark

...At least I fit in the poet crowd

But is my wariness wisdom?

Or is it bitterness?

Is it making me a better person?

Or am I getting more jaded and world-weary?

Does it hurt to doubt?

Does it hurt to trust?

It hurts to do both

Which makes sense

Considering the pit of horrors we're in

Every option leads to pain

Hah, sounds familiar

Which pain can you bear?

Would you rather trust nobody and wither in the dark?

Or trust everybody and get crushed under their feet?

Human beings are like plants

They need water and sunshine and nutrients

But not too much

And not too little

Too little sun and they become hungry for affection

Too much and they burn in the spotlight

Too little water and they shrivel to a ball

Too much and they drown in the world's cries

How do I get the right conditions?

To not trust every person I meet

But begin with a basic trust in human goodness?

Is that even doable?

I wouldn't know

But its better than nothing

I wasn't always like this

And that's okay